Today is my Papa’s birthday. It’s been 30 years since he passed away. I was 13.

Strangely, I feel fairly calm and neutral. The day started really early, at 5am when the “Mars Meds” alarm went off. I snoozed it once for 5 minutes, groaning because I REALLY wanted to just go back to sleep and say, “Fuck it.” But… I love my Mars kitty and he needed to take his medicine. The Boyfriend came out of his room shortly after I sat up in bed. He greeted me, but then had to go downstairs to finish getting ready for work. I dragged myself out of bed, put a shirt on, and proceeded to the bathroom. It took a little while, because all 3 cats were vying for different things. Mars, specifically, used the litterbox – and urinated a normal amount (though tinted red). I am glad I got to witness it, because I worry SO much that he isn’t making any progress to getting better. Losing him would be a devastating blow that I really don’t want to have to deal with right now. He’s too young and Comet (his sister) would suffer greatly, as well. They haven’t been apart since birth. But I digress… once everyone got what they needed, we all went downstairs. The Boyfriend gave me hugs and kisses, which felt really good. He isn’t usually affectionate before work, let alone interactive, so… yep. Good way to start my day.

Took the 3 Musketeers (Turds) downstairs and put Mars’ medicine in his squishy, he ate all of it. Then, I opened the window for Batman and played with Comet… trying to get Mars engaged in play was difficult. I can tell he isn’t feeling well and/or the meds make him lethargic. It hurts my heart and I desperately want him to get better soon. Once Batman came back inside, I closed the window and went upstairs to start coffee, then further up to let Floof out and do all that routine. I had to sit on the couch and take a break, because all that moving around and whatnot is exhausting to my poor, disabled body. But, once coffee was done and I got that all situated, I was able to get comfortable on the couch and proceeded to text my cousin Kay, reminiscing about our Papa and whatnot. It was very nice being able to do so and it helped regulate my emotions, resulting in the weird calm/neutral I’m feeling now. After that, I perused Facebook for some time.

I decided to stretch a little, listening to what my body wanted in that moment. Then, I picked up one of the new books we just got and started to read. It’s called, “Whole Brain Living” by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D. Within the Preface and the first page of the first Chapter, I was excited to learn how much of a Brain Whore she is, like me. I was already itching to read this (and the other 2 books), but I’m happy to report that I’m ABLE to sit and read. I attribute that ability to being able to converse with Kay and come to this calm/neutral state, so for that I am grateful.

I didn’t finish the Chapter, but I needed to do another stretch like before, so with pausing the book and doing that, I felt compelled to come up here to my PC and find a journaling app. I want to be committed to journaling, despite how much I’ve struggled with that in the past, so… I believe having an app will assist me in this endeavor, and I am determined to make this a daily habit every morning… I am aware that it will be difficult, starting it just before I have surgery and the possibility that I may not be able to access my PC for a little while after, during recovery. However, I think I can still manage to journal on my phone and eventually transfer it over to here. We shall see. 🙂