Ok, don’t let the title fool you… it really is quite hilarious, given my and The Boyfriend’s senses of humor…

Stay Tuned…

I’ve had well beyond my fair share of shitty “romantic” relationships. Most of the shorter ones are not much to write home about, of course, given that none of them really had much substance anyway. I have two “core” relationships that were long and fraught with toxicity, abuse, and dare I say – heavy codependence? One of those was a 7 year marriage and the only great thing I got from that was my son. That one’s nickname is “Gravity” (cuz he’s always bringing me down) – for future reference. The other… 4 years of “boyfriend,” a breakup, and 5 more years of “friends with benefits.” I made a solid attempt to apply “Black Hole” as his nickname, but it never really stuck, so I’ve been left using his real name until recently… now, aptly named “Dementor” – he was a soul-sucking creature that drained the happiness and positive emotions right the fuck out of me… literally. I have full-blown Anhedonia from finally cutting him off (third time was a… charm?!) and traumatically breaking my codependence to him.

But I digress… (and yes, I will do this a lot lol)

The Boyfriend and I actually met WAY back around 2003 (ish?!), when I had a 2 month stint from Kansas City to live at my Aunt’s in Colorado. I got a job at a local pizza place, where we met and instantly hit it off. Funny shit is… that job lasted about a week, cuz we both got fired… something about indecent relations or… I honestly don’t remember, I relay this from The Boyfriend’s memory lol. But yeah, we dated for those 2 months and then I just up and left, back to Kansas City and the “ex” I’d ran away from initially. Thus, we lost contact for many years, reconnecting around 2014 on Facebook and remaining friends until May of last year (2024) when he messaged me on Steam. More funny? Because we hardly ever talked there, I didn’t remember who tf he was and had to (embarrassingly) ask for clarification. Hilarious convo ensued from that, but it led to us playing Valheim together with a couple of my girlfriends. At one point, he sent me this meme…

Aaaaand that’s when our relationship blew up… tons of flirting, talking a lot in general, and eventually becoming long-distance bf/gf (June 1st, officially). One visit from me to Colorado and him to Arkansas later, and we decided that I – and my 3 cats – would move in with him and his cat – Princess Fluffybutt (yes, quite a hilarious name)… This happened in mid-August. My son… being 18 years old and legally allowed to make his own decisions (despite his autism and the necessity for adult supervision) decided he wanted to live with Gravity (his father). But that’s a whole other story for some other time. *le sigh*

So, needless to say, our romantic relationship happened REALLY fast, quite unexpectedly, with both of us diving in head first and taking chances on each other – despite how much both of us had given up on ever finding someone worthwhile or having any desire to try again. *shrug*

“Every relationship has it’s ups and downs.” Google says this is a widely recognized idiom, and it’s not attributed to any single individual… aaaand my relationship with The Boyfriend is not exempt from this. For now, I won’t get into the really harsh details (given this blogging thing is new and I haven’t discussed how much he’s willing to let me share), but suffice it to say… the struggle was pretty fuckin bad, starting in October and lasting for months.

Thankfully, he actually agreed to go to Couple’s Counseling with me when I asked. To say I was shocked is a bit of an understatement. Given my past experiences asking for that from previous relationships… I definitely expected to be told “No” with varying degrees of fallout. However, not only did he follow through with it, he participated in the actual therapy sessions. Again, shock and awe. I know, I know… a man agreeing to and participating in therapy with their partner?! It is something that shouldn’t BE shocking, but that’s just how it is. I could write a novel about how disappointing that is, but… maybe some other time?

We hit an even bigger “snag” in the beginning of February, which caused… we’ll just call it an “emotional trauma” for now. This trauma was devastating for me, dredging up a shit ton of my past trauma (and there’s a literal lifetime of that), causing NEW trauma I’d never experienced before, and giving me serious PTSD symptoms every single day for a solid 2 weeks before I confronted him (which is legit the WORST for me, thanks dad!)… those symptoms thankfully lessened over time, but damn, was it hard. 😞

Fast forward, though… with therapy, self-reflection, and some commitment to working together and on ourselves… we’ve come to a decent place, I think. It’s not over, by far, but I am truly proud of both of us (especially him) for how well we’ve handled everything, how hard we’ve both worked, and where we are today.

And thus, with our therapist, a relationship app idea, and our mutual brainstorming… we bought a box and decorated “The Suggestion Box of Inequity” (ok, ok… I add “…of Inequity!” to random shite, just to be funny, so that’s how this happened) See the featured picture! We have a weekly “Friday Talk” where we get together for 2 hours and talk about whatever hard things we need to, and this box has been added to help both of us in different ways. And yeah, the name doesn’t fit, but that’s the point. There are 3 sections: Concerns (for questions, concerns, worries, etc) – that we address every Friday Talk, Praises (compliments, praise, etc) – so that he can show me love in Words of Affirmation and HE can receive love from me in the same way, and Wants/Needs (literally any request we want/need from the other) – and these are on self-set time limits.

Last Friday Talk was the first time we got to use The Box, and I think we had a pretty fantastic time going through the little cards we wrote on and discussing Concerns, reading Praises to each other, and brainstorming the aspects of the Wants/Needs we each had. There was a lot of laughter, joking around, and even a little bit of seriousness. Overall, 10/10 – and I am looking forward to doing it again later today. 🙂