Ah, yes… empathy. I’d like to believe that most people know what it is and have at least a modicum of it in their repertoire. Sadly, experience has told me otherwise.

Empathy is defined as: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

For me… it’s a curse. It has caused me mountains of pain and suffering. Despite that, I legitimately can’t eliminate it from my psyche. I’ve been through FAR too much trauma in my life to ever NOT feel empathy for others – to my own fucking detriment…

The worst times I’ve endured – because I have too MUCH empathy – have been in my past romantic relationships, specifically with Gravity and The Dementor. Both of these “grown” ass men (emotional toddlers in adult bodies, really) turned out to be Narcissistic (I do not throw this term around willy-nilly) assholes that were wholly incapable of growing up and into emotionally mature men deserving of a relationship with literally anyone (and yes, I’ll eventually have entries featuring them).

I learned – twice over – that trying to help a man grow into a mature adult with integrity by lifting them up with love, compassion, patience, and (you guessed it) empathy… is literally impossible. I learned that you can’t MAKE anyone want to be a better person. You can’t MAKE anyone else improve themselves – they have to want that shit for themselves FIRST. And if that type of person ever happens to land in your life… don’t you DARE take them for granted.

Relational Side Quest: A very cherished friend (Ursa) – who was an integral part of my own growth – told me this years ago (during The Dementor phase): “You are not responsible for anyone else’s shit but yours. Period.”

Boooooy, did I HATE hearing that shit the first time. I railed against it so damn hard that – to this day – I have to practice intense gratitude for Ursa’s phenomenal patience with me. This was our dynamic, though. When we first started talking, I expressed a great need for someone to be completely and utterly real with me… bluntly honest in all ways. I was tired of receiving “cherry-picked” advice that catered to what I wanted to hear and didn’t contribute to the hard truths I NEEDED to hear to grow and become a better version of myself. She very much delivered – for years.

Initiate: Digressing!

Empathy is a necessity. You can not function in the world with TRUE love, patience, and compassion if you do not have empathy. It just isn’t possible, in my opinion. The lack thereof causes SO much pain and suffering to the people around you. (From Google AI Assistant) “A lack of empathy manifests in various ways, including a tendency to disregard others’ feelings, be overly critical, and struggle with forming and maintaining relationships. Individuals may also struggle to understand how their actions affect others, and they might respond inappropriately or insensitively to situations. Additionally, a lack of empathy can lead to self-centeredness and difficulty listening to or caring about others.”

I feel like that explanation doesn’t do justice to the severe level of harm that a lack of empathy causes – especially in relationships.

And thus… my War with Empathy is multi-fasceted. Not only do I have too much of it myself, causing unnecessary pain and suffering when I try with every fiber of my being to give it to the wrong people, but… encountering those wrong people that severely lack empathy causes even further destruction to my well-being.

And because of all that, it really makes me question whether having empathy is truly worth it, ya know?!

But, in the end, I will always choose to believe that it IS worth it because I am the only one who is responsible for my own shit. I might be the only one who HAS to live with myself, of course, but I’m not the only person that exists in this world. The world does not revolve around me. I’m not the only one who matters and has feelings that require… empathy.