The Bible (but not in the way you may think), The Tao te Ching, and The Afterlife of Billy Fingers.

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Aight. Chronologically, we’ll start with “The Bible” – as in the Christian one, specifically whatever version(s) Baptists used back when I was forced to go to Church. If you’re Christian, this probably won’t be fun reading for you, but I get it and it’s ok if you get upset. I believe in the validity of all faiths and none (I stole this motto from Grannie Sídhe 😛).

From the time we moved to Arkansas until I was legally 18, graduated, and moved out of The Plague’s house (the first time), I was made to attend church at nearly every service they had… Sunday mornings, Sunday evenings, Wednesday evenings, “Vacation Bible Study,” any time they gathered to go out in the surrounding neighborhoods to knock on people’s doors and try to recruit them, all the special holiday services… you name it, if it was happening we were most likely there. I was “saved” and baptized around 10 years old, I think? I was deeply mired in it by then and remember thinking about how “oppressed” we were as Christians (it seemed the entire world needed saving, honestly). But as I got older and we had competitions to see who could recite all the book titles in the Bible… I actually started to READ it. Now, I loved the Piers Anthony Xanth fantasy novels back then and dabbled in some Louis L’Amour Westerns. I’d never actually read the whole Bible cover-to-cover, but I took on and completed that task (twice in my life), initially as a way of gaining admiration from peers and elders at church, and later to confirm my suspicions.

Buuuuut… the problem with reading the entire Bible is that you begin to FULLY understand what’s actually in it, instead of mindlessly absorbing it piecemeal from the Preacher and teachers. You start to see the glaring inconsistencies, notice the blatant hypocrisy in the people you used to look up to, and when you begin to question things… you learn that blind faith really IS what they demand, because the only true answer they have for you is “God works in mysterious ways” – or they tell you outright that questioning God’s word is an instant ticket to Hell.

Now, I do still find good quality things inside the Bible (like some of Proverbs or Psalms), but overall? Nah. It’s another fantasy novel, written by the hands of men (given the rampant misogyny, I highly doubt ANY woman contributed). I mean, think about that for a moment. If someone came forward TODAY and said that they hear the Voice of God and He told them to chronicle a new book for the Bible, would we honestly believe that? I’m sure there’d be a few outliers (extremism does exist), but overall we’d vilify them as crazy and lock them up in a padded room. Why wasn’t that done back then, when this book was supposedly written? Because Superstition and Ignorance.

So, in the best way (imho), the Bible taught me that religion – and the people that follow it blindly – sucks. There are very few truly good Christians out there, ones who actually follow Jesus’ teachings and love everyone, but for the most part? *shrug* Hypocrisy, judgement, hatred… and I want no part of that.

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On to the next: the Tao te Ching by Lao Tzu. As I’ve mentioned, one of my favorite quotes comes from this (featured bottom left of the main page, even). I got ahold of an English translated version from the library in my early 30’s, due to the ring gift my High School Bestie had gotten for me at my Divorce Party, which was inscribed with my now favorite quote.

Let me tell ya… it isn’t exactly “easy” reading. And comprehending a lot of it can get really dicey. But overall, it’s filled with really great morals to live by. It’s been well over a decade since I read it, too. I’m gonna have to do that again. We’ll see how well my frazzled brain cells can handle it now. 😅

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And now… The Afterlife of Billy Fingers by Annie Kagan.

Whew. This one. The first time I read it, I did so within 24 hours. I did not stop or put it down once I started. And I remember vividly the exact moment I finished, in the ass-crack moments of dawn, sitting on a picnic table in front of The Dementor’s mother’s house on The Farm. I sat there, ruminating about all manner of things, mostly life in general, until the sun came up and The Dementor came outside. It was one of those very few tranquil moments of peace that sank into me and left me… what’s the word… enlightened?! That’s the best I can come up with right now.

Since then, I have purchased at LEAST half a dozen copies and given them all away, one after another, as I’ve discussed spirituality/religion with people and they’ve been open to accepting that book as a gift. My current copy is in the hands of my cousin, who is religious, but is giving it a chance (unlike her mother, The Aunt, who barely read the first chapter and gave up). I can’t tell you that it’s based on a true story, though it does claim to be. I’m a skeptic at heart (I wonder why?!), but this story really encompasses things that I believe the entire world ought to embrace – acceptance that we all have differing views on what happens to us when we die. I think the only people that wouldn’t agree are die-hard Atheists (no judgement from me, though). Everyone else, if open-minded enough (lol)?

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So yeah… it was really difficult to choose the “top” three because there ARE other books that have had an influence on my life, but I’ve also had to eliminate a lot of them because I haven’t finished them. As my health has declined over the years, it’s gotten more and more difficult for me to be able to sit and concentrate on reading an actual book… even fantasy ones. It sucks a lot, but I refuse to delve into audio books – mostly because I legitimately can’t do anything else when I listen to them and I dislike being tied down like that.

Damn… that reminds me – once again – that I started a fantasy novel ages ago and haven’t gotten back into writing that, either. 😑