Dis bish. In my first “Gravity” post, I went on quite the rant. I shared very few examples of the bullshit I went through as his wife and subsequently his ex-wife. I barely scratched the surface of the horrible shit he’s put me through, especially after the divorce and the parameters of our shared custody of The Son.

I will NEVER proclaim to be without faults. In fact, it’s taken a fuck ton of therapy and self-reflection (ugh, so much…) to get me to the point where I may occasionally fix my Single Mom crown and actually have confidence that I did the best I could in raising The Son – not just without much help at all from Gravity, but more often with his defiant resistance and consistent abuse/manipulation.

I also very recently posted this and this, sharing some screenshots of a convo between myself and Gravity whilst I was vacationed in Florida. The Son had another episode… the 2nd one we’ve encountered. The first was when I was still at The Plague’s house. Let me tell ya, it’s scary as fuck. We still don’t know what happened, but I have a few ideas… and we decided to wait it out to go any further with testing… it’s difficult to do those things with a special needs individual. Unfortunately, this time it happened with Gravity. I don’t fault him for being scared shitless, of course, but the aftermath? His accusations are not based in reality. And here I am, in Colorado, unable to get shit done for The Son and this mother fucker fighting me tooth and nail.

At any rate, I received a packet of paperwork that needed to be filled out for The Son’s continued Disability/Medicaid via Social Security. I am his Representative Payee, which means I help take care of these things with him (the best I can from this distance). Unfortunately, I got it the DAY I needed to be in contact with SS about it and, despite calling them immediately, the time difference for the office local to The Son meant I missed them by less than half an hour. I called them first thing in the morning the following Monday (don’t even get me started on THAT Karen), finally making it clear what I truly needed and being routed to The Son’s Case Manager (Ms. Carol). She called me back within 10 minutes and was absolutely lovely and worked with me on the situation.

Thus, I filled out everything I could, with the exception of what medications The Son is on currently (not aware, since Gravity has decided those things for The Son now) and records of any doctor visits (again, not privy to that due to Gravity). I informed Gravity immediately of the situation and mailed said packet with stickies to assist him in what he needed to fill out, etc. I also made sure it had tracking. Got a complaint text from Gravity about that, when he failed to be present for signing for the packet and probably had to drive to the Post Office (oh noes, the utter inhumanity…) to pick it up. Anyway, here’s a preview of how all THAT went:

Soooo… yeah. I want to note my last little bit there, being irritated that he was complaining – yet again – about such a minor inconvenience. I get it, but omfg I’ve heard his complaining for decades now and sometimes I can’t help but let that frustration out… just a little. Mind you, with him, I’ve also had many, many years of practice at being the adult and treating his shenanigans with zero emotions. It’s legit the only way you can even communicate with a Narcissist and their plethora delusions and manipulation tactics. If you wish, look up the “Gray Rock Method” – it’s quite helpful (if not infuriating to have to endure). All the same, a lot of that effort on my part was due to the fact that I didn’t want to allow my hatred for him to effect The Son’s feelings about him. These are 2 completely separate things. My feelings about Gravity have absolutely nothing to do with The Son’s feelings about him, and as such, the entire time I was raising him – I kept that shit to myself. And it was sooooo fuuuuckiiiing haaaard.

The stuff immediately after that was what I posted and linked above.

And theeeeeen… we get into what’s transpired TODAY, not long after I finished and published my blog entry about Forgiveness. Because he’s on a rant, I couldn’t help but feel inspired to give – yet another – update on the pure delusional bullshit he has concocted in his fucked up mind. And all that aforementioned Gray Rock communication I’ve done over many years? Heh. Right out the window with THIS convo, let me tell ya. Though, I have to admit, I feel like I handled myself much better than I could have, had I been inclined to just go off on the stupid fuckwad with no holds barred. 😅

So many emotions to process. I love GIFs for that, though. That last one, angry hairbrush girl? She is my Spirit Animal in regards to Gravity, I swear.

I have commentary on how things proceeded… because omfg the state of his mind is just unfathomable to me.

Take the first screenshot: Yes what? Yes, there’s a reason for not answering me? Then why the no, it’s personal – followed immediately by answering my question?! Why not just, I don’t know, answer the question?!

2nd Screenshot: He never did send me a picture of the front page and what he meant… so I guess it’s whatever? Hopefully, whatever he decides to do about that doesn’t come back to bite him in this ass (or rather, have a negative outcome for The Son). This is definitely where I went off my normal rails and spoke up about how I truly felt. I typically just ignore his stupidity, but this time… I said fuck it. I used to have to “adult” because we both had custody of The Son and I had to navigate that bullshit so that whatever I was doing was in The Son’s best interests while also appeasing the Narcissist in ways that prevented his penchant for drama (you wouldn’t believe how many times over the course of raising him that Gravity threatened to pursue sole custody, lmao). All the same, I think I expressed myself clearly and without being a total bitch about it? *shrug*

3rd Screenshot: I said his name because I was pissed. It got his attention, eh? Thing is, as I mention later, this is a thing HE has done so many times in the past that I can’t even recall how often it’s happened. This is legit the first time I’ve ever done the same to him in return. As for the second bit he spewed… he IS right that he’s been complaining about stuff since our divorce, but never in ways that are constructive or productive for the care of The Son. It’s been consistently belittling me as a person, my parenting, and so much more. Refusing to help with his needs? LMAO. That has never once happened. See the next screenshot. Oh, as for the vendetta shite? Fuck him for saying “we” – The Son, if he even has any animosity towards me (due to Gravity’s influence), is not involved in this aspect. Leave him out of it, asshole.

4th Screenshot: I explained why his accusations are shite. I truly have been trying to help him in his care for The Son – despite him having been mostly absent or fighting me tooth and nail until I moved. For example, the anxiety medication that The Son was prescribed by his doctor – and he agreed to because it was his choice – to help him prevent ulcers and other anxiety-induced stomach issues that he’d been suffering from (which we finally got under control)? Gravity decided that it was too much of a hassle and instead of encouraging The Son to continue taking this medicine (because he didn’t understand what it was for, despite my clearly laying it out for him – three times), he just… stopped getting it for him?! I tried to explain the necessity, yet again, but he refused. So, how the fuck am I supposed to provide help if the help I give isn’t going to be accepted? And yeah… he’s projecting really fuckin hard there.

5th and 6th Screenshots: Ah yes… he “hates” fighting, that’s very evident, no? 🙄 The rest of that, you can refer to the first 2 screenshots I provided before all this to see that he does, in fact, flop like a fish out of water when he forgets what he’s spouted off about already. The inconsistencies he spews are rampant. I guess when he can’t truly argue or elicit anger from me, he has to resort to this stupidity.

And finally, the 7th and last Screenshot: SMDH. Ok, bye! *insert GIFs of frustration* I will note here that the reason I brought up the “passing out” shit and it NOT being malnutrition like he claims (bc having him for a year doesn’t count whatsoever, only the years I had him)… is because I asked MY doctor on Friday for some input on what may be happening with The Son. I described the incident and gave my EMT friend’s opinion. She relayed to me the many possible things that could be happening. I then asked directly whether malnutrition could cause these episodes and she laughed and said no.

I know, it’s a lot to process. It’s a lot to feckin write about. Hell, it’s a lot to fucking DEAL with. And it’s been this way for almost the entirety of The Son’s life (19 years now).

While I was in Florida and received the texts about The Son’s recent “passing out” incident… I cried in agony at not being able to do anything, being told NOT to talk to my son (fuck him for trying that shit), being accused of causing it due to years of malnutrition (wtaf?!)… and the knowledge that I KNEW this sort of thing would happen. I have to live with the fact that, against my better judgement, I chose to respect The Son’s autonomy and his decision to stay in Arkansas with Gravity. Regret isn’t a thing I cling to (as it is an anchor to the past, which cannot be changed), but fuck me am I feeling the pangs of that right now. Gravity’s inadequacy, delusions, and vitriol… ugh. I hate him so much for all of that and The Son’s suffering because of it.

But what can I actually do about it? SMDH. I feel so helpless and powerless. He makes me so fucking tired.