So Sayeth the Google: White Knight Syndrome describes the tendency for some individuals to be drawn to, and excessively focus on helping, those perceived as vulnerable or damaged, often to the detriment of their own well-being. It’s characterized by a compulsive need to rescue or fix others, particularly in romantic relationships. This pattern can be a form of codependency, where the rescuer’s self-worth is tied to helping others, and the relationship becomes unbalanced.

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Unfortunately, I surmise that The Boyfriend suffers from this. For some odd reason, I haven’t mentioned it before now. Most likely because everything else has been too overwhelming and at the forefront of my poor, traumatized brain (i.e. his addiction and betrayal).

Anyway, there’s no negative judgement on my part, just observation based on his history, especially with S.D. – a female “friend” of his. I quote “friend” because it doesn’t seem like they talk much, so I’d consider it more of an acquaintance, but… who am I to say? Nobody, honestly. All the same, there’s a small history behind all that in which I discovered that he’d rescued her in the past and – along with his obsessive fear of losing people – that his friendship with her was worth more than his relationship with me. He was very sad when he thought their friendship would end and cried about it (so he says, and I believe). I was sad for him, as well, feeling guilty that I’d set a boundary concerning her (for good reason) and that, because of her reactions, that friendship might end. Turns out it didn’t, but… it gave me enough pause that I had to do some research.

The problem I have is that he has not cried a single time at the thought of losing me. Why? He rescued me, saved my literal life – in fact, and supposedly fell in love with me… so, besides his addiction causing him to lose all sorts of interest (romantic and otherwise) in me real quick after moving me out here (less than 2 months!) – and the resulting traumas I’ve experienced because of that – what changed?! Why is it that a random “friend” he barely speak to has more power over his heart than THIS “friend” (me) whom he supposedly fell in love with? I don’t understand it at all.

I mean… I’m never going to say that I’m perfect, by any means. However, I AM a decently good egg. I’m not even confident that I’m worth much most days, but when I am… it all becomes so fucking unfair. I’m not toxic like his ex, I support and love him despite all the pain he’s caused because I understand how rough he’s had it and still has it, I’ve stuck by his side this entire time and for what? To be told that he doesn’t think he’s “cut out for relationships”?! Is that really true, though? Cuz from my point of view, he’s not cut out for healthy relationships, which require accountability, effort, and mutual respect. Not a single romantic relationship I’ve heard about from his past has been healthy. The very few he’s had in the past have all been chaotic (except for me, when we dated a short time over 2 decades ago). He didn’t have to rescue me back then, we just kinda fell into each other’s lives for a short while. His last ex was the worst and so toxic that I wonder if he doesn’t realize how shitty it was (trauma has a way of doing that). And… I believe he’s performed some sort of rescue with each one of them. I could be wrong, but it’s enough of a pattern for me to wonder and find out there’s an actual Syndrome for it.