10.5 – For Last Week’s MM:

The only way to feel better about yourself is to do things worth feeling good about.

Self-love is a form of action, not merely a belief.

You can’t think your way into a better life, you have to live it.

What have you done recently that’s worth feeling good about? How did that make you feel?

Do one thing this week that’s worth feeling good about. It could be something you’ve been putting off, something that scares you, or something that will make someone’s day. Let me know how it goes.

Unfortunately, with Anhedonia, it’s nearly impossible to get those feel good feelings when I attempt to do things worth feeling good about. There for a while, the Trintellix I’m on was starting to give me little sparks of good feels, but that all went away (yay, period hormones?!) and now I’m attempting to build back up to that again (hopefully). It’s funny how I can logically brain the good feels, but not actually feel them. And fuck, it’s SO hard to even describe that sensation. I try, I really do, but there really aren’t any words powerful or descriptive enough – you’d have to experience it for yourself to understand, and I wouldn’t wish this on most people.

All the same, I still DO things worth feeling good about… mostly because being completely listless and bored really sucks. I already feel depressed and in pain constantly, I don’t need to make it worse by giving up, ya know?

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11.0 – Life Is Simpler Than You Think

Two things for you to think about

There are two fundamental skills in life:
1) Focus on what you can control.
2) Let go of the rest.

Ask yourself: on your deathbed, will you regret doing/not doing it?

Then act accordingly.

Reflect: Then consider sharing this thought with others.

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Four things for you to ask yourself

What’s one thing you’re stressing about that you have no control over? What could you change that’s within your control?

What’s one thing you’d regret not doing? What’s stopping you?

Recommended: Use these as journaling prompts for the week.

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One thing for you to try this week

That thing you can control? Do something about it this week. And let go of all the other things. Let me know what happens.

Remember: Small changes lead to lasting breakthroughs.

https://markmanson.net/

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As for how I’m doing… I leave for Arkansas in two days. Gravity actually asked me if I would be visiting The Son while I’m there.

I seriously just can’t with him most of the time. But… yes. I am absolutely going to see my son while I’m literally in town to see my son. Am I doing other things like meeting GenGen and staying with Granny Sidhé?! Of course, because I care about these people and want to see them – just like I want to see my son.

Forgive me… despite how many YEARS I’ve had the joy of practicing patience with this Narcissistic Twat-Face, he isn’t named “Gravity” for no reason (i.e. he’s always bringing me down). He can get me riled UP in less than a heartbeat with his stupidity, but… I’m fine.

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In Other News! We’re 3/4 of the way done with Module 0 in the Recovery Program… and we’re gonna have to wing it separately while I’m away, but so far it’s going decently. It feels like a lot right now (omg the homework and videos lol), but I’m dedicated… and The Boyfriend seems dedicated, as well. We shall see how things pan out!

Side Quest: Fuck. How am I gonna do the bloggening while I’m gone?! The phone version isn’t as good…