It’s been a week since I received the last of the intensive part of Ketamine therapy (6 sessions in 2 weeks). Unfortunately, if I don’t hear back directly from the clinic, I’ll be waiting twice as long for the start of my “Maintenance” phase (6 weeks instead of 3). It is what it is, of course, but I was really hoping I could get started sooner, rather than later.

I’m feeling fairly introspective this morning, due in part to the check-in I had last night with The Boyfriend, plus thinking back on the week and how I’d felt each day. Something he said to me at the beginning of our check-in was in regards to a small mood drop I’d had earlier when we went out for brunch. He noticed (shock and awe) that drop, but what he wanted to relay was that it didn’t completely ruin my day like it used to before I had Ketamine therapy. I pondered on that for a minute, because… damn, he was right. I asked if he knew what made my mood drop, but he couldn’t pinpoint it, so I told him, “It’s because you were playing on your phone while I sat there doing nothing, feeling alone.”

I find the subtle differences in how I react or feel/felt – before, during, and after Ketamine therapy – really intriguing. I still very much have Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder with Anhedonia and Anxiety… Ketamine isn’t a miracle cure, by any means, but with the intensive therapy and maintenance, it offers a chronically stressed out brain and completely dysregulated nervous system a much-needed vacation/rest, opening the window for plasticity and integrating healthier modalities and coping mechanisms. I can FEEL the difference. I’m not as prone to severe mood drops, my anxiety levels have decreased, and my super low baseline of depression has lifted ever so slightly. Again, not some ridiculous miracle, but a slow and easy start on the road to recovery.

I’m looking forward to seeing how things progress, even if I have to wait forever for my next session… lol