EnchiPants: a blog about the traumatic life of a nerdy girl who grew into a broken woman
-
ADHD Research – Phase 1
Once in a while, the “whore for <insert thing>” part of me gets a random flash of inspiration to delve deeply into research because I have an insatiable desire to know “why it do dis?!” Today’s Inspiration?! Why the hell does my body keep – repeatedly – rejecting medications (specifically after having my period)? For…
-
The Reclamation Room
So I’m gonna go out on a limb and share something I did, the limb being “omg there’s my whole face n shit”… lol Thing is, I’m not really trying to remain super anonymous or anything, but it feels weird sharing my actual self after so long using an AI created icon and such (which,…
-
The Egg Theory
I came across this gem ages ago and still love to read it once in a while. I’ve also provided an animated YouTube video that goes along with it. Sometimes, I ponder what the point of everything is, what are we even doing, and other such life and purpose related things. As such… this one…
-
Coping Mechanisms
Sometimes, mindless tasks help distract my brain from the overwhelming pressure and weight of my TRMDD/Anhedonia. Sunday night, everything bottomed out and I’ve been stuck cycling between Apathy, Numbness, and bouts of Dissociation (also coping mechanisms) for a solid 48 hours, as of last night. When it gets like this, I have zero motivation to…
-
Lending & Losing
Granny Sidhé: “Never lend more than you’re willing to lose.” Gah, it’s been ages since she uttered this phrase, but it’s stuck with me all this time. Back then, it was a matter of money, but nowadays I ponder what other aspects you could give and (willingly?) lose – like time and love.
-
Monday Mark – 5.5 & 6.0
5.5 – For Last Week’s MM: “The happiest people are not the ones with the most options, but the ones who are most satisfied with their choices.” It’s interesting that satisfaction can beget happiness. I remember what that was like. Currently, the best I can get with that is “contentment.” I suppose that’s more positive than…
-
Thank you, Brain!
Last night, I stayed up far too late playing Valheim and had difficulties falling asleep, thinking about what to write for my blog this morning. Then, for reasons beyond my comprehension, I fell asleep thinking that I didn’t need to worry about it (though I DO have a fantastic topic) because it would be Monday…
-
Drawing a Blank – A Haiku
I’m drawing a blankI can’t seem to find the wordsBrain is exhaustedThe cat bapped my faceI got up way to earlyDid not sleep enoughChilly morning breezeWith my brand new “walky” polesLeft hip is a bitchGoing round the lapSay “Morning” to the strangerPassing in moon lightWait, rest at the benchFinally we’re heading homeHip screams, “Please just…
-
The Downward Spiral
Yesterday, as The Boyfriend recovered from… stuff… I messaged (he was upstairs) and asked if anything was the matter, pointing out that he seemed distant. He didn’t answer, so I went outside to lay sideways in my hammock and rock myself while I spiraled into the Void of Self-Loathing and Despair. I cried silently, just…
-
Anger
I wished I’d learned – when I vowed to never be like my father – that Anger itself isn’t “bad” – it’s how you use it… since I’ve written about this already, feel free to peruse my thoughts on it. 🙂 And thank you in advance for reading!
-
Me Too
DISCLAIMER: Please be advised that I am not going to “soften” words and use things like “grape” or “SA.” This post includes talks of psychological manipulation/coercion, rape, sexual trauma, etc. I don’t have any designs to “bring back” the movement that hit with #metoo nor do I have the knowledge about whether it’s even still…
-
Monday Mark – 4.5 & 5.0
4.5 – For Last Week’s MM: “How you talk to yourself defines your Self. Be careful what you say.” Boy… this one was/is a toughie. I find myself talking negatively to myself quite often, so it was really difficult to attempt to reframe that – especially in the moment. I also didn’t encounter very many situations…
The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with One Step – Lao Tzu
From the: Tao te Ching
Who IS EnchiPants?! 