It’s another first without my kiddo…

Granted… he IS 19 now, but… it’s different for us. He was diagnosed with autism at 2.5 years old. Back then, he was on the cusp between severe and moderate autism. Non-verbal, frequent meltdowns, stimming… I won’t mince words, it was fucking hard those first few years. I don’t know what it’s like to raise a “typical” child (mind you, I usually say “normal” – but that’s taboo, even though they’re synonyms that mean the same thing).

But… he and I have worked really hard over the span of his life to get him where he is today. He has taught me SO many valuable things (as children should), like patience, understanding, and compassion… all things I honestly thought I had a good grasp on before. Pfft. Boy, was I wrong hahaha.

I honestly don’t expect him to reach out to me today. I won’t lie and say I’m okay with that, of course, because it DOES suck, but… it is what it is (ugh, love/hate that phrase). I was the one that made sure to help him get/make/give/send cards, gifts, or text messages to loved ones for special occasions. I even did this for his [asshole/Narcissist/Disney Dad] father (“Gravity” – who he now lives with), because I believe that my [extremely negative] feelings towards his father have NOTHING to do with HIS relationship with his father.

I have very strong opinions about people who use their children against each other or project their own feelings onto their children about the other parent (something which Gravity is guilty of). Parental alienation is abhorrent, even though I can completely relate. But, I can say with absolute confidence that I never participated in such verbal atrocities while raising my son – mostly alone and definitely without much of Gravity’s help (not for lack of trying).

Oops. Kinda Side Quested again… my bad.

My son is now able to bathe himself (it ain’t great, but that’s ok), get his own food together (mostly snacky or air fryer things), budget (to a degree) and manage his own money, purchase things online (boy was that a fun first adventure lol), and just generally exist on his own in a safe environment with periodic adult supervision. He’s come a LONG way and I am SO proud of him. The day he graduated, I swear…

So yeah… I’m a bit on that depressy side of things today, wishing he were here with me. I’ll be picking MY mom up later and taking her to a Mother’s Day plant sale (which my son would totally love). The green thumb skipped me, tbh. His last year in High School he took a greenhouse management class and repeated (by choice) plant science. Hell, his last semester he was only required to pass English and the rest of the classes were moot (outside of what he wanted to learn on his own).

All the same… I also want to wish ALL the other moms (of all kinds) out there a VERY happy Mother’s Day!