The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with One Step – Lao Tzu
The Brother has taken his first step in healing and made the move to Colorado – and away from The Plague. Unfortunately, his wife stayed in Arkansas, having moved out a week prior and gotten her own place. I don’t blame her, but I do hope that this part is temporary (she’s SO good for him). I believe that this was the kick-in-the-pants he needed to motivate him to get help and I’m really glad that he made the choice to come here.
So yeah… yesterday afternoon, I was at Mom’s birthday BBQ (today is her actual birthday). It was planned that way since most everyone would be off work and she’s taking a class Wednesday evenings (the normal “family dinner” night). I was told that The Brother had left early that morning to come here and he would arrive later in the evening, but I only stayed for a couple of hours. Socializing is exhausting, even when good food is involved.
I texted Mom around 8:30p last night to ask if The Brother had made it in. I didn’t get a response, but this could be due to many things. I suspect he’d gotten in and they were getting him set up in Mom’s camper and talking. She also doesn’t check her phone very often. Either way, I let it be since it was most likely a flurry of activity and whatnot.
About an hour ago, I sent her a loving Happy Birthday text, followed by how dumb I am for letting an appointment be made for a day when I don’t have access to The Boyfriend’s car (where the feck was my brain on that one?!). I asked if she’d be able/willing to take me to that and bump the bday dinner plans I made to lunch plans after the appointment.
And still… no response.
Side Quest: The Plague had a horrible habit when I was growing up, while he was yelling at us for whatever fuckery he felt angry about at the time. And that habit would consist of epic catastrophizing of a mostly benign scenario. It was always, “What if <insert worst-case-scenario>?!” Real Example: “What if this random pre-teen on the internet that you gave our phone number to (who lived in Alaska and I spoke with) turned out to be a serial killer who tracks down our address and comes to r*pe and murder everyone?!” Is there a possibility that this could be true? Sure (though highly unlikely). However, I’m not sure how someone with that kind of M.O. would possess the moxy to choose to travel almost 4,000 miles, ignoring all the victims they could find along the way, for something like that. But ok.
Now, did bad things happen back in the early 90’s? Absolutely. Never mind that we lived in a tiny ass town (average population from 90-95: 1400) where the worst thing that happened is the neighbor’s cows getting out and eating that greener grass in the ditch alongside the very rural 2 lane highway.
Soooo… this is where my brain gets the “worst-case-scenario” anxiety when someone doesn’t respond within a reasonable amount of time about something fairly important to me… Maybe The Brother did a crash and die and now everyone is MIA?! 😑 I’d like to think that I’d get a phone call if that happened, but… ya never know when something like that happens.
Thankfully, whilst writing this, Mom finally responded – about my need for a ride to the appointment. Based solely on conjecture, I’m assuming that The Brother made it there just fine. I’m sure I’ll get an update about all that at some point.
Anyhoo… I did a big struggle at the onset, not knowing how to title this entry. I also dissociated a couple times. My brain is tired, so that’s all I really have for today.
EDIT: Sorry, just got a text back, he made it in. Mom asked if The Aunt (her sister) could come to the appt and lunch, I said yes and included The Brother in the invite. However, it dawned on me when she told me he would stay home and spend time with The Uncle that HE is actually a fully recovered alcoholic… which makes me feel a lot better. A man he can look up to, spend time with, be held accountable by… one who has experienced the same addiction and (despite my opposite views) shares religious beliefs.
Who IS EnchiPants?! 