One of the small pleasures I have left in life is that first sip of coffee in the morning, just before I come upstairs to blog. Anhedonia has robbed me of so much joy that it’s impossible to find and feel anything positive. Despite that, I do try. I check in with my emotions at random times just to see if I’m still suffering this fate. Coffee gives me a tiny spark of… calm? Comfort? I can pause for a brief moment and absorb what I’m able to glean from the moment.

Tomorrow, I see an ObGyn to discuss “hormones.” Maybe with that and my appointment to see a Dermatologist next Wednesday it will lead to a referral to an endocrinologist, which is what I wanted from my Primary Doctor to begin with. I honestly just want some answers, though. I’m so tired of not knowing and not being able to do anything worthwhile to get better – or hell, manage my pain in a way that doesn’t leave me severely constipated and in Urgent Care.

Oddly, I have nothing scheduled for today, so I think I’ll get my Minecraft on and see what the day brings…