Booooy, has it been a YEAR – tomorrow being my and The Boyfriend’s 1st year Anniversary.

If you’ve read my previous entries, there’s some “subtle” (lol) hints that it hasn’t been all rainbow farts and craft herpes (glitter). Not to say that I haven’t enjoyed some of our relationship, of course. He makes me laugh a LOT and we do have fun together. But the struggle has been difficult enough, for so long, that – even as late as yesterday – I wondered if we’d ever make it. I wondered if I’d be strong and patient enough to keep giving him grace in the face of my own trauma (not just from my past, but also what he caused).

The thing is… deep down, he really is a great guy. He’s human, as we all are, and makes mistakes, as we all do. He was given a shitty go at life really early on and has endured a lot of his own pain and trauma. I’d say that he wasn’t given the proper tools to learn how to communicate, show love, or regulate his own emotions in healthy ways. I mean shit, neither was I. We’ve both been through more than our fair share of shite, ya know?

And that’s why I’m able to glean understanding, compassion, and tons of patience for what he’s going through. He’s also shown me that, despite how difficult it’s been for him, he does love and care about me… even if it’s not exactly in ALL the ways I truly need. That’s not a way for me to backhandedly disparage him, either. It is to humbly acknowledge that he IS trying, the best way he knows how right now, and that I am working on seeing those ways AS love.

This journey with The Boyfriend has been a roller-coaster of emotional highs and lows, both in the extreme. It’s also had calm and contemplative moments, along with everyday enjoyment and annoyances. We still have a long way to go, a lot of hard work to do, but – despite yesterday’s despair – a specific interaction that I needed a resolution for finally happened. I was pretty distraught having to wait as long as I did (ugh, patience) and the relief of it finally getting done didn’t have nearly the great impact I’d hoped for, but… such is life, ya know? We discussed it after and eventually things worked out in a way that I’m satisfied with. I’ll uphold my end of that compromise with utmost resolve.

So anyway… today is the last day of the entire year we’ve been dating. Overall, I am content with where we are. I know it isn’t perfect (it never will be), but I feel confident that it’s moving in a positive direction and that we will continue to grow together. I’m so proud of what he’s accomplished in such a short time and look forward to being a loving and supportive partner for many more years (our whole life, if I have my way, mwaaahahahaha).