The whole of existence is inundated with opposing forces: Light and Dark, Fate and Free Will, Love and Hate, Life and Death, Public and Private, Past and Present, Fast and Slow, Youth and Age, Dreaming and Reality… and so much more. I find that a healthy balance of Yin and Yang, both sides of the coin, or whatever other turn of phrase you are drawn to… are the key to enjoying a fruitful and fulfilling life. It really IS all about the balance between each side of things.

As such, going to the extreme on either end of any spectrum results in cognitive biases/inflexibility, impulsivity and sensation-seeking, social isolation, relationship problems, and more. Extremism breeds hatred, intolerance, rigidity, and – quite often – violence and/or the justification of it. And I, for one, abhor extremism in all forms. Now, this is largely due to the fact that I’ve never encountered an extreme that doesn’t absolutely suck in some way or another… I could very well change my way of thinking if I ever come across one that doesn’t fit the parameters of suckiness. Who knows?! But for now… I stand by my abhorrence 😅

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Today, I’d like to ponder and divulge my thoughts on the balance needed between selfishness and selflessness…

Selfishness is prioritizing one’s own interests and needs above those of others, often leading to disregard or even harm to others. It’s characterized by an excessive concern for oneself and a lack of consideration for the well-being or feelings of other people. 

Selflessness, also known as altruism, is the quality of being concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one’s own. It involves acting with less concern for oneself and more concern for the success of a joint activity or the well-being of others. This can manifest as unselfishness, self-sacrifice, or a willingness to give one’s time, money, or effort for others.

Now then… I want to point out, once again, that extremism is no bueno. This applies to both Selfishness and Selflessness, in my opinion. On the one hand, being extremely selfish – obviously – sucks whale anus and causes harm not only to others, but to the self as well. Sure, you’re prioritizing your own needs and shit, but that has a tendency to push good people away and cause you to become a very lonely, antisocial asshole. On the other hand, if you’re being extremely selfless, you can end up foregoing your own needs to the detriment of yourself. Either way, it is the suckage supreme.

So what does it look like to have a healthy balance?!

Heh. Fuck if I know!

Just kidding… mostly…

I believe that being selfish isn’t inherently “bad.” You have to give a shit about your own well-being to a certain degree in order to continue living in this shite world, or – at the very least – surviving. Taking care of yourself in fundamental ways (like eating, bathing, etc.) is tantamount to having a decent quality of life. And, sometimes, life has a way of kicking you in the nuts and making that harder, but that doesn’t mean morphing into a completely selfish dickwad (haha, spelling error wanted to change that to “deckward” – lame) is the answer… ya know?!

Side Quest: The neighbor’s ankle-biting dog’s barking irritates the fuck out of me. My selfish (anxiety-induced) side wants to throw shit at it from this 2nd story window and make it shut up. Carry on!

The same holds true for selflessness not being inherently “good.” Again, foregoing your own needs in lieu of someone else’s is the suckage supreme. You end up depressed, exhausted, and neglected. Totally not speaking from experience, either… *ahem*

Ah yes, the epitome of selfless Mother Teresa was. I mean, I didn’t know her personally or anything (duh), but I believe we can all agree that she was a really good egg. She lived a long life, too – 87 years! Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not invested in the religious types (for a reason), but if I had my druthers, I’d say she was one of the decent ones.

As for the quote: Yes. I am one of those that can’t do “great” things (I mean shit, I’m physically disabled and mentally/emotionally traumatized from a lifetime of bullshit). So… small things with great love it is!

But I do a digressening!

The balance between being both selfish and selfless is a LOT of work, of course, but in the end – I do believe it’s totally worth it. Taking care of ones self and also being aware of and contributing to the well-being of others is something we could all greatly benefit from. As for how to go about doing that, well… that’s up to each person, honestly.

For me… having empathy for and giving grace to other people is a good start, but doing that for myself is so much more difficult. The struggle is real, y’all. It’s so hard to take care of myself when I’m exhausted in so many ways, constantly. I do try my best, with therapy and such, but I’ve spent a lifetime being as selfless as possible (not necessarily a good thing, tbh), not only in romantic relationships, but in raising The Son, too. The problem with that is that I set a lot of my own needs aside and, well… here we are. Now, I have to legitimately learn how to set boundaries, speak up when I feel I’m being mistreated, express my emotions in healthier ways (or at all, haha), and just generally fix my damn crown.

And theeeeen… there are times when one must exercise more of one or the other, to the betterment of the self or interpersonal relationships. Life isn’t black and white, unfortunately. Sacrifices in either direction are necessary, but you have to determine what is best for you and others in each and every situation. With that, I invite you to check out my post about “My Holy Trinity,” moral guideposts that – if everyone followed (and I’m NOT tryna be conceited here) – I feel the entire world and society as a whole would benefit from.

Aaaaand now my brain is tired and I’m hungry. EMDR therapy is coming in an hour and I’ll most likely need a whole ass nap afterwards. 😝