I got myself a new book to read about moving beyond betrayal. Chapter 2 title? Not All Forms of Addiction Are Created Equal.

Thing is… since I’ve been through numerous forms of trauma, I already know this fact. This trauma is new to me, unfortunately, and I’m sure that a couple of the previous ones I’ve experienced would qualify as “betrayal trauma” – but not to this degree.

So badly do I want to just reveal the type of Addiction that’s afflicting The Boyfriend – and subsequently myself. He isn’t very far along in the Recovery journey (i.e. relapse and lies have happened). I don’t want to make it worse by exposing it to “the world” (possible people we know). I’m sure some could gather what it is, but… saying it “out loud” in this blog is a violation of trust and respect that I just can’t enact. I care far too much about his well-being to do so.

Side Quest: No more AAA batteries means I had to break out my clickety-clack wired keyboard to keep writing. Fun times!

A couple things to clarify from yesterday? One: Polyamorous The Boyfriend is not. He is Monogamous and this, too, was established from the beginning. As such, this betrayal is actually WORSE than if we were both monogamous, as I value truth and communication above a lot of other things. Two: I don’t think The Boyfriend is an actual Narcissist… but tendencies? Absolutely. I believe most people have a tendency or two. As Granny Sidhé told me this morning, it’s a spectrum just like autism. I tend to agree. Three: My last paragraph was pretty harsh towards The Boyfriend, but… I don’t regret saying how I feel. This has been rough AF and I’m exhausted from supporting him AND myself, on my own. It’s difficult not to feel some resentment that I have to be the strong/adult one here and wait “patiently” for him to decide that he’s capable of holding a relationship.

And, once again, I need a nap lol