Now that I’ve had a nap, I feel less tired. Problem is, I am an “Emotional Masochist” and started a romantic movie called “The Idea of You” with Anne Hathaway (love her!) and Nicolas Galitzine (never heard of him before this).

Yeeeeah… I stopped halfway through. For some fucked up reason, I watch these movies and – because life isn’t a fantasy and I desperately want anything similar to the types of love these movies portray – I cry. I become crestfallen… and then, I remember a beautiful song that I used to love by The Smashing Pumpkins… and it fits so well. Despite it being about the death of Billy Corgan’s mum – loss and grief are the theme.

Lyrics:

Who am I to need you when I’m down?
And where are you when I need you around?
Your life is not your own

And all I ask you
Is for another chance
Another way around you
To live by circumstance, once again

Who am I to need you now?
To ask you why?
To tell you no?
To deserve your love and sympathy?
You were never meant to belong to me

And you may go, but I know you won’t leave
Too many years built into memories
Your life is not your own

Who am I to need you now?
To ask you why?
To tell you no?
To deserve your love and sympathy?
You were never meant to belong to me

Who am I to you?
Along the way
I lost my faith

And as you were
You’ll be again
To mold like clay
To break like dirt
To tear me up in your sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me
You were never meant to belong to me
You were never meant to belong to me

Who am I?
Who am I?
Who am I?
Who am I?

And that’s the state I’m in currently. I’ll finish the movie later. For now? I need something else to soothe my heart.