8.5 – For Last Week’s MM:

When have you caught yourself living for the emotional scraps of strangers’ opinions? What did it cost you?

What would living for yourself look like instead?

I used to be really bad about wanting approval from other people. I suppose that’s a byproduct of the trauma that was my entire life. It cost me my peace of mind and confidence. My self-esteem was already shit to begin with, so it didn’t make it any better.

I have learned pretty recently (within the last couple of years) to live for myself, to say ‘no’ when I don’t want to do something. Though, I’ve always been a rebel when it comes to being my authentic self. I know that seems contradictory to my previous paragraph, but it’s true. I’ve basically just been who I want to be and sought approval in other ways. I think I’ve gotten better at it, in most areas of my life.

Choose one area of your life where you’ve been living for others—maybe it’s how you spend your free time, the clothes you wear, or the opinions you hold back—and do something just for you this week.

This wasn’t much of a challenge. I do what I want with my time. I definitely dress how I want, mostly for comfort, sometimes because I’m feeling myself. The opinions part, though? I still struggle with that. The Boyfriend would probably say otherwise (haha), but he really doesn’t know just how much I keep my opinions to myself… a byproduct of the Betrayal Trauma and rough go we’ve had together.

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9.0 – The Secret to Resilience

Two things for you to think about

You don’t build resilience by feeling good all the time.
You build resilience by getting better at feeling bad.

To deny pain is to deny our own potential growth.

Reflect: Then consider sharing this thought with others.

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Two things for you to ask yourself

How good are you at feeling bad? What pain might you be denying?

Recommended: Use these as journaling prompts for the week.

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One thing for you to try this week

Pick one thing you’re willing to feel bad about, and decide how this pain will help you grow. Let me know what you find.

Remember: Small changes lead to lasting breakthroughs. 

https://markmanson.net/

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As for how I’m doing… the pain is almost unbearable currently. I hate that my body just decides what levels of pain I get to endure and when. My period is a whole bitch with hormones and whatever else it’s going through, and makes any pain I normally have feel much worse. My knees are the victims this go-round. The only time I don’t notice the pain is if my legs are straight (and that’s only when I stand). Any time I have to move my legs, my knees are screaming. They hurt when they’re bent, too. It’s a clusterfuck, tbh. And we hates it.