I am a fairly patient, considerate, and understanding woman. I’ve been through the ringer far too much for one person. I look back at my life and wonder what sort of Karmic Justice I’ve enacted with as much shit as I’ve had to endure, but the fact is… I’m a pretty good egg. I don’t say this with conviction or conceit, but with a knowledge and confidence that I’ve done the best I could, given the cards I was dealt. I love with abandon because – despite how I’ve been treated – people deserve to know what it feels like. I treat others with care, compassion, consideration, and many other positive things. I’m the least petty person you’ll ever meet and I don’t think about or participate in acts of revenge. It’s really difficult to say good things about myself, but I’m trying because I’m just so exasperated with everything.

This morning, I’m having a swirl of negative emotions. The most prominent emotions are: righteous anger, epic amounts of self-loathing, and utter disappointment. And when I’m feeling these things, it’s extremely difficult not to blame myself for being “too much” and “not enough” at the same time. Hence, the exercise in saying good things about myself to assuage any spiraling into The Void of Despair. It might seem exorbitant with how tiny the trigger was (considering how big they HAVE been), but I can’t control the (c)PTSD. I can’t control how my traumatized brain will react.

And yet… despite all that, I can still recognize the wonderful things I love about The Boyfriend. I promise I’m not delusional, he HAS made so much progress and continues to work hard and grow. It’s just… really fucking hard at times like these, when Big Emotions decide to rear their ugly heads… when I have to claw my way through the plethora of shitty feels and remember why I keep going.

And on that note… I’m going to drop a couple Google Searched items for educational purposes…

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Infidelity, or cheating, is the act of violating the trust and commitment in a relationship, which can be emotional, physical, or both. It encompasses a wide range of behaviors, such as sexual acts, developing intimate emotional bonds with someone else, or even engaging in certain online interactions. Infidelity can happen in both happy and unhappy relationships and has serious consequences, including emotional trauma for the betrayed partner and potential long-term effects on the relationship.  

What is Infidelity?

• Betrayal of Trust: At its core, infidelity is a breach of the exclusive agreement within a committed relationship. 
• Emotional and Physical: It can manifest as purely physical contact, purely emotional intimacy, or a combination of both. 
• Broad Definition: The term “infidelity” is broader than “adultery” and can include acts like sending intimate texts, maintaining online dating profiles, or developing deep bonds with another person. 

Types of Infidelity

Infidelity can take many forms, including: 

• Physical Infidelity: Involves any sexual activity with someone outside the relationship. 
• Emotional Infidelity: Involves developing a deep emotional connection or bond with someone else, sharing intimate thoughts, feelings, and seeking support from that person instead of one’s partner. 
• Financial Infidelity: Hiding finances or engaging in secretive financial activities that undermine the trust and shared resources within the relationship. 
• Online/Cyber Infidelity: Engaging in romantic or sexual relationships through the internet, such as through online dating sites or explicit communication. 

This video explains why people cheat and the contributing factors to infidelity:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvMQnlhzLvA

Why Does it Happen?

Infidelity is complex and can result from a variety of factors, including:

• Relationship Dissatisfaction: Feelings of neglect, unmet needs, or poor communication within the relationship. 
• Individual Factors: Low self-esteem, an addiction to romance or sex, or unresolved trauma. 
• External Circumstances: Significant life changes or crises can sometimes trigger infidelity as an escape. 
• Entitlement: In some cases, a person may feel entitled to cheat due to a perceived lack of consequences or empathy. 

Effects of Infidelity

The discovery of infidelity can be devastating, causing: 

• Emotional Trauma: Betrayed partners often experience intense feelings of betrayal, loss, anger, depression, and anxiety. 
• Erosion of Trust: The fundamental trust within the relationship is severely damaged, making it difficult to rebuild. 
• Impact on the Unfaithful Partner: The partner who cheated may experience guilt, shame, or a desire to end the relationship. 

Recovery

• Commitment to Healing: Many marriages can be repaired, but both partners must be committed to the process of healing and rebuilding trust. 
• Open Communication: Honest conversations are crucial for addressing feelings, fears, and rebuilding transparency. 
• Professional Help: Couples therapy, particularly trauma-informed approaches, can provide guidance and support during the recovery process. 

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An inequitable relationship is an imbalanced partnership characterized by an unequal distribution of power, effort, or consideration between partners, leading to one person dominating the relationship and the other carrying a heavier burden. Signs include one person making all the decisions, feeling unheard or emotionally unfulfilled, or contributing disproportionately to the relationship’s demands, causing feelings of resentment, exhaustion, and instability. Addressing inequality requires mutual effort to improve communication, establish clear boundaries, and ensure both partners’ needs are considered and met.  

Signs of an Inequitable Relationship

• Unequal Say & Decision-Making: One partner consistently makes the major decisions, while the other has little influence. 
• Imbalanced Effort: One person puts in significantly more effort, time, or energy, whether in planning, communicating, or making sacrifices for the relationship. 
• Disregarding Needs: One person’s needs and feelings consistently outweigh the other’s, leading to a lack of consideration and emotional validation. 
• Financial Imbalance: One partner contributes significantly more money, creating a feeling of unevenness or dependence. 
• Lack of Boundaries: One partner’s boundaries are not respected, or one person is uncomfortable with the other setting rules. 
• Feeling Drained: The relationship feels emotionally or physically exhausting due to the constant imbalance. 
• Constant Disagreements & Blame: Conflicts are frequent, and one partner is always blamed, leading to resentment. 
• Lack of Deep Connection: A one-sided relationship often lacks a strong, deep, and meaningful connection between partners. 

Causes of Inequality

• Communication Problems: Poor communication can lead to differing expectations and misunderstandings about roles and responsibilities, according to BetterHelp and Marriage.com. 
• Different Expectations: Partners may have vastly different ideas about what the relationship should be, notes Healthline. 
• Power Dynamics: An underlying power struggle where one partner maintains control over the other. 

How to Address an Inequitable Relationship

• Empower Yourself: Prioritize your own needs and learn to stand up for yourself. 
• Improve Communication: Work on clear and honest conversations about feelings and expectations, according to Happy Marriage Coaching. 
• Set Boundaries: Establish clear personal rules and boundaries that both partners can respect. 
• Seek Support: If communication and effort from both partners are insufficient, consider seeking help from a mental health professional.