23.5 – For Last Week’s MM:
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” – Carl Rogers
The best way to become the person you want to be is to put yourself in a situation where you have no choice but to become them.
Are you trying to change because you genuinely want to grow—or because you don’t like who you are right now?
What happens if you accept the part of you that you’ve been trying to reject?
Stop trying to change one thing about yourself—and change the situation instead. Then, let me know what happens.
It’s been extremely difficult to accept myself for who I am – in certain areas – because accepting these things about myself feels like admitting defeat. Now, I will say that most of the personality traits I have are conducive to being a good egg… and I’m working on the ones that aren’t. However, the physical aspects that have degraded over time are what I vehemently fight against accepting. For one thing, there’s a lot of unanswered “what’s wrong with me” shenanigans. I can’t very well accept them if I don’t know what they are, ya know? As an aside, I know physically what is in pain – and there’s a LOT – just not what’s causing it or why or what we can even begin to do about it. And if I accept that these things are happening to me, but that there’s nothing to be done (I’ve tried a lot of shit, trust me), then doesn’t that just mean accepting defeat and living with it? What is there to change? How do I know what to change?
It’s fucking ironic, too, that the literal tangible things have no answers, but the intangibles have growth potential. Ridiculous.
24.0 – What Your Actions Say About You
One thing for you to think about
Actions are your values made real. You can talk and talk, but at the end of the day, your actions never lie.
Reflect: Then consider sharing this thought with others.
Two things for you to ask yourself
Is there something you tell yourself you value but your actions don’t follow?
Is there something you tell others you value but your actions don’t follow?
Recommended: Use these as journaling prompts for the week.
One thing for you to try this week
Pick one thing you say you value, and make a decision this week that proves it. Maybe that’s not leaving a project until the last minute, coming home in time for dinner, prioritizing a friend in need. Whatever it is, go do it.
Then let me know what changes when your actions match what you say matters.
Remember: Small changes lead to lasting breakthroughs.
As for how I’m doing… I’ve felt a bit time-disoriented, given The Boyfriend has been doing PTO (paid time off). The days have been a bit jumbled and filled with mundane things like building the Teddy Blocks, gaming, and watching The Lazarus Project. We’ve also gone out to eat, get groceries, do pictures with my family, and Recovery Program classes and work.
It’s just been weird, I guess. I don’t know how else to describe it. The dip into “I wanna be alone/don’t know if I want this relationship” stuff hit harder this time, but one class in particular helped him feel better, because it’s just part of the process of recovery. And then things went back to “normal” – which isn’t anywhere close to great (for me). Friendly roommates.
I’ve lost the will to “just do me” again. But this time it’s more that I just don’t have the motivation to do anything, especially not fixing my crown and knowing my own damn worth.
Anyhoo, here’s the finished Teddy Blocks we did…
Who IS EnchiPants?! 