23.5 – For Last Week’s MM:
Actions are your values made real. You can talk and talk, but at the end of the day, your actions never lie.
Is there something you tell yourself you value but your actions don’t follow?
Is there something you tell others you value but your actions don’t follow?Pick one thing you say you value, and make a decision this week that proves it. Maybe that’s not leaving a project until the last minute, coming home in time for dinner, prioritizing a friend in need. Whatever it is, go do it.
Guilty confess? I didn’t even read last week’s MM, let alone do it. I’m struggling to find something that I tell myself – or others – that I value and don’t follow through with. I definitely didn’t intentionally pick one to prove, either. I won’t put myself on a pedestal and say that I’m better than anyone else or super great at being a good egg (nobody is, honestly), but I DO strive to follow the values I speak through action.
25.0 – The Only Way to Be Free
Two things for you to think about
You can have anything you want in life. You just can’t have everything you want.
The game of life is trade-offs.
Being willing to disappoint people is the only way to be truly free.
Reflect: Then consider sharing this thought with others.
One thing for you to ask yourself
Who are you afraid of disappointing if you really go for what you want?
Recommended: Use these as journaling prompts for the week.
One thing for you to try this week
Choose one trade-off you want, and go for it—even if it means disappointing someone. Let me know what happens.
Then let me know what changes when your actions match what you say matters.
Remember: Small changes lead to lasting breakthroughs.
As for how I’m doing… well, we had a really – what’s the word – profound question (from the Know Thyself game) come up during our check-in this evening…
“What is one heartache from your past that changed the way you think or act?”
Ugh. Damn. It was my turn to go first, but right off the bat all I could think about is, “How the hell do I choose just one?!” I said about as much to The Boyfriend, but that I had two major ones I could think of and asked, “Do you want to just share one or more?” He also said he had two, but that he would go with the one and told me about that, followed with the obvious (his words) about his best friend’s passing.
The only one I told was, “My son’s autism,” I paused a moment to reflect, then, “I knew before he was diagnosed, so that diagnosis was merely confirmation. But yeah, all that changed me in both good ways and stunted me in others.” That’s the best explanation I could give, because the entire thing is a jumbled conglomerate of good and bad. I don’t really feel up to going into more detail, maybe another day.
He never did ask about the second one… (side note: Betrayal Trauma from him)
But really… I’ve been through so much heartache in my life that there are many that could vie for the top spots in “fuck, that sucked” and changed me fundamentally, for better or worse. My entire life has been heartache after heartache. It would probably be easier – and faster – to list the antithesis of heartaches that I’ve had.
Either way, it really brought me down. I’ve lost so much and I really am tired of getting kicked in the proverbial balls, ya know? I really want things to get better for me, to repair the damage that’s been done to my brain through no fault of my own – and sometimes my own damn fault, honestly… to regain the ability to feel positive emotions again… and to be LOVED and cherished as much as I’ve given out… by someone else. No amount of loving myself will ever make me feel the same as being truly and deeply [romantically] loved by someone else. I really wanted that someone to be The Boyfriend, but it gets harder and harder to hold on to hope and be patient for whatever growth he may do, to wait until he gets to that… if he ever does.
Who IS EnchiPants?! 