45.5 – For Last Week’s MM:

Happiness is having better challenges.
Success is having better failures.
Discipline is having better addictions.

Improving your life does not remove your problems. It simply exchanges them for better problems.

Do you have better problems today than in the past? Or just the same problems?

Find one problem you’d be happy to have. Then go pursue it this week. Let me know how it goes.

I would say that I definitely have different problems than I have in the past, but some are the same – with different people. For example, I’m not having problems with having enough food to eat. This was a pretty big problem for a while, just before I moved to Colorado. I AM having relationship problems, but those problems are actually different and with a different person than my last relationship. I’ve lost quite a lot of my independence, so that’s more of an ongoing problem that just gets worse with time.

I can’t really think of a problem I’d be happy to have (mostly cuz Anhedonia, ofc) that I could actually pursue… for instance – I’d like to have problems with tiredness because of working a normal job, but… I physically and mentally can’t pursue that, so… 😑

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46.0 – Why You Keep Too Many Doors Open

Two things for you to think about

The most underrated trait for a happy life: decisiveness.

Our intuition is that it’s best to keep our options open. But as long as you try to keep every door open, you’ll never be able to walk through the one that matters.

Optimizing your life for optionality creates a false sense of growth.

You feel like you’re adding more potential to your life, but all you’re doing is guaranteeing your inability to commit to anything.

Reflect: Then consider sharing this thought with others.

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Two things for you to ask yourself

What doors are you keeping open that you’ll never walk through? What’s stopping you from closing them?

Recommended: Use these as journaling prompts for the week.

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One thing for you to try this week

Choose a door to walk through this week. Let me know what happens.

Remember: Small changes lead to lasting breakthroughs.

https://markmanson.net

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As for how I’m doing… It’s been about 4 weeks since I stopped taking Trintellix and started Bupropion. I had my psych appointment this morning (yeah, I know, backdated post makes time things weird). Bupropion has been upped by 50mg and I’ll see her in another month to determine if this medication has finally started doing what I need it to do (not gonna hold my breath). It’s been a rough 4 weeks, waiting for it to kick in – even though it can take a full 8 weeks to do so. My mood tanked pretty steadily the first week and hasn’t lifted much at all since… with the exception of Ketamine for a couple days.

As always, I’m just tired… exhausted in many ways, but also tired of the “rat race” (if you will) of medications trying to fix me and not working. Tired of being depressed and stressed out. Tired of waiting to hear from the company that’s supposed to send me my damn CPAP, too. I want it, so I can start getting better sleep and maybe help everything else I’m doing get a leg up on actually working and helping me get better. So annoying.