EnchiPants: a blog about the traumatic life of a nerdy girl who grew into a broken woman
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Random Ramblings…
The weight of my thoughts traps me in a downward spiral that I have to ride until it’s over because I’m not able to just climb off and go about living. The stress of merely existing keeps me anchored wherever I am, either with wholly dissociating or mindlessly Doom Scrolling. The Boyfriend went to bed…
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Elephants!
First, I have to admit that I am really enjoying the ability to AI generate my cover pics. I find it fascinating that I can put my title in and – with a couple clicks – it comes up with something really cool, buuuuut… sometimes, not so much (why that lady has 7 fingers?!) and…
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Understanding Addiction
Whew… Addiction [to any/all manner of things] runs rampant the world over, so I KNOW this one is going to hit a lot of people really hard – whether you have an addiction(s) or a loved one (like me, thrice over) does. But, I deeply understand. You are not alone. And… in the off chance…
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Self-Reflection
Disclaimer: Talks of Unaliving Over my lifetime, I’ve had many moments of self-reflection. I say moments, but sometimes they’re more than that. Sometimes, I spend hours thinking about who I am and who I want to be. Sometimes, life throws things at me that hit so hard that I can’t help but ruminate on them…
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Mood
Today has been rough. I cried myself to sleep last night, which made the mild headache I had turn into a severe one by morning. I’m only just getting to where I feel like posting aaaaand… don’t really have much I want to say, so I’m going to provide GIFs for my mood instead…
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The Weight of Depression
Today, I’ll share a journal entry I created 5 years ago, that still applies. It’s a very apt description of how depression feels physically for me. August 3rd, 2020 Have you ever been buried in sand? Imagine one of those random beach days, the sun shining, clouds drifting by lazily, the sound of the gentle…
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I Have Bad Taste in Men
I hate the phrase “daddy issues,” but… even though it’s more often derogatory than not, it exists with a specific – vaild?! – meaning (still hate it). The term implies that a woman may have difficulty trusting men, forming healthy relationships, or setting boundaries, potentially due to past experiences with her father, which can lead…
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Sacrifices… bleh
Lordt… aside from the traumas, sacrifices are another ginormous list of things I’ve had too much of in my life 😅 I lost parts of myself along the way to The Plague, Gravity, The Dementor, and various other “adults” that came and went. So, I suppose the biggest sacrifice I made was my sense of…
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Happy Mother’s Day!
It’s another first without my kiddo… Granted… he IS 19 now, but… it’s different for us. He was diagnosed with autism at 2.5 years old. Back then, he was on the cusp between severe and moderate autism. Non-verbal, frequent meltdowns, stimming… I won’t mince words, it was fucking hard those first few years. I don’t…
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Oof… Freedom, eh?!
This is a bit of a tough one, because it can mean a plethora of things to each one of the billions of people on this fucked up planet. But, of course, the ask is for what it means to ME… And theeeeeen… my ADHD brain wants to categorize all the different “types” of freedom…
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The Good, the Bad, the UGLY
In my last post, I talked about trauma, what it is, the types, and examples of most of what I’ve had to endure on that front. Today – even though I have a couple other things I REALLY want to get off my chest (and maybe I will later?!) – I will divulge how all…
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My Brain on Trauma
My life has been chock full of hardships. There’s so much of it that it’s really difficult for me to know where to start, what to cover, HOW to cover everything, and a plethora of other hurdles. The struggle is real, y’all (ew… the Arkansas came out there, my bad). And before I proceed, I’m…
The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with One Step – Lao Tzu
From the: Tao te Ching
Who IS EnchiPants?! 