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The Struggle is Real
I’ve recently become aware of a concerning pattern with regards to my mental health. I want to note that awareness (admittance?!) of an issue is the first stepping stone in healing/recovery. This isn’t just my opinion, either. Many programs and therapists and all that know that figuring out what the problem is and admitting it…
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Jealousy
The Boyfriend went to a mandatory work-at-a-store thing yesterday and then a “work” lunch afterwards. As part of the day’s events, 2 of his coworkers planned to come by after to play card/board games. However, 3 more tagged along. Two of them I know, and the new hire that he’s personally training. I’ve previously asked…
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Fell Off the Wagon
Missed a couple days in journal blogging this week. I haven’t been feeling as good mentally/emotionally as I had when the Fog of Emotional Flatlining finally lifted last week. Been in a “fuck it” and play Enshrouded kinda mood. Yesterday’s couple’s counseling and last night’s check-in were both fairly rough for me. I’m trying my…
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Xmas Season… ugh
A year ago, I was in the throes of questioning my ability to make good choices when it came to men (a repeating pattern, unfortunately), wallowing in mountains of self-pity, severely beating myself up for being utterly stupid – yet again – for falling for sweet words and promises that turned out to be lies,…
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It’s Snowing…
Today, I have three appointments: regular therapy, ObGyn, and Podiatrist. Thankfully, regular therapy is Telehealth, so I don’t have to do the required driving (13 miles) for that. However… I do have to venture out into this weather for my ObGyn (3.5 miles) and Podiatrist (1.4 miles), so it’s not too bad, but still… I’ll…
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Stranger Things
I am a LITTLE obsessed with Stranger Things. I have the main theme as an alarm tone. One of my favorite things to wear is an overly large Stranger Things long-sleeve shirt (it has pockets). Since the first half of the newest (and last?!) season dropped over the holiday, I asked The Boyfriend to do…
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Self Care
This one will be quick and dirty, me thinks. I only have a short time before I have to leave for a doctor’s appointment (why did I make it for 7am?!). Ever since the Ex-Texting Incident – and my subsequent panic attack and many conversations about it – I’ve dropped deeply into “Emotional Flatlining” Mode…
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The Constant Battle
I am cowering in the trenches, covered in mud and sweat, the efforts of this fight having taxed me beyond my capacity. My eyelids clench shut as another wave of darkness howls over my head, whipping my hair and clothes in a torrent that drags on for what feels like hours. Despite my closed eyes,…
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Forgetful
Does childhood trauma cause forgetfulness? Yes, childhood trauma can cause memory loss, including fragmented memories, gaps in time, and a general difficulty recalling past events. This often happens due to the brain’s use of dissociation as a defense mechanism to cope with overwhelming stress, which can disconnect a person from their experiences, making it hard to form and retain memories. …
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That First Sip
One of the small pleasures I have left in life is that first sip of coffee in the morning, just before I come upstairs to blog. Anhedonia has robbed me of so much joy that it’s impossible to find and feel anything positive. Despite that, I do try. I check in with my emotions at…
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Down in the Dumps
Once again, things got rough between myself and The Boyfriend. Last night’s check-in was going well… until it wasn’t. This incident with his ex texting and him choosing to respond at all has really lit the flames of discourse between us. I asked if he still had any resentment about the situation (bc I was…
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Panic Attack
Yesterday was rough, though it didn’t start out that way… I got up early and did the cat swapping, since we can now get back to the normal routines. Made coffee, got on my PC for blogging, made an adjustment in the video settings of Minecraft, and proceeded to spend the next hour or so…
Who IS EnchiPants?! 