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Self-Reflection
Disclaimer: Talks of Unaliving Over my lifetime, I’ve had many moments of self-reflection. I say moments, but sometimes they’re more than that. Sometimes, I spend hours thinking about who I am and who I want to be. Sometimes, life throws things at me that hit so hard that I can’t help but ruminate on them…
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Mood
Today has been rough. I cried myself to sleep last night, which made the mild headache I had turn into a severe one by morning. I’m only just getting to where I feel like posting aaaaand… don’t really have much I want to say, so I’m going to provide GIFs for my mood instead…
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The Weight of Depression
Today, I’ll share a journal entry I created 5 years ago, that still applies. It’s a very apt description of how depression feels physically for me. August 3rd, 2020 Have you ever been buried in sand? Imagine one of those random beach days, the sun shining, clouds drifting by lazily, the sound of the gentle…
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The Good, the Bad, the UGLY
In my last post, I talked about trauma, what it is, the types, and examples of most of what I’ve had to endure on that front. Today – even though I have a couple other things I REALLY want to get off my chest (and maybe I will later?!) – I will divulge how all…
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My Brain on Trauma
My life has been chock full of hardships. There’s so much of it that it’s really difficult for me to know where to start, what to cover, HOW to cover everything, and a plethora of other hurdles. The struggle is real, y’all (ew… the Arkansas came out there, my bad). And before I proceed, I’m…
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The War with Empathy
Ah, yes… empathy. I’d like to believe that most people know what it is and have at least a modicum of it in their repertoire. Sadly, experience has told me otherwise. Empathy is defined as: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. For me… it’s a curse. It has caused me mountains…
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The “Slow” Descent
I want my “normal” depression back… If you’ve made it this far into my blog, having read most/all of what came before, you have a decent idea of the severity of my mental health as it stands now, and a relative peek into why (see: The Plague). But for shits and giggles, I’ll put the…
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Cyborg Card Revoked
Welp… it’s official. Surgery happened this morning, and I had my Spinal Cord Stimulator (Cyborg Parts) taken out. My Cyborg Card has been revoked. I can’t say I’m sad about the actual device being removed, given that it never worked at the efficiency it was purported to… pretty disappointing, honestly. This is one of the…
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Cats & Anhedonia
“A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.” – Ernest Hemingway Cats are, hands down, my favorite “domesticated” (I quote bc 😆, riiiiight) animal. I have loved cats since the first one – which I named Tinkerbell – when I was…
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Ugh :| Surgery, Again…
Today was my Pre-Op Testing for my pending Cyborg Parts removal surgery (this coming Monday, the 21st). In medical terms, I’m having the previously installed Spinal Cord Stimulator (leads and battery) removed.
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We ALL Need Therapy
I feel like the entire world, and the varying pockets (countries, states, cities, communities, families, ourselves) within it, is in a state of chaos and uncertainty. And I don’t know about you, but… it’s feckin exhausting and I really need a nap.
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Love Myself… First?!
A theme I’ve been seeing a lot lately is that one must “love themselves first” before they can love anyone else… and there sure are a lot of fancy quotes floating around out there that reinforce this…
Who IS EnchiPants?! 