So… along with The Boyfriend’s individual therapist’s initial suspicions, my opinion is that he has Avoidant Personality Disorder. I have suspected this for some time, mostly because I like to do research on things and learn the how and why of behaviors and whatnot. I am an Anxious Attachment Disorder type (though not diagnosed officially). Anxious Attachment Disorder is a pattern of insecure attachment characterized by intense fear of abandonment, a strong need for reassurance, and difficulty trusting others in intimate relationships. We can thank The Plague and my 2 Narcissistic Twat-faced Ex’s for almost all of that.

All the same, here’s some more info about AvPD… and I will highlight the things I’ve noticed in The Boyfriend (in blue) and the impact it’s had on me (in cream color).

---

So Sayeth the Google:

The 7 key traits of avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) are: feelings of inadequacy, social inhibition, preoccupation with criticism or rejection, avoidance of social interaction, extreme reluctance to take risks, a self-view as personally unappealing or inferior, and an unwillingness to get involved with others unless sure of being liked. 

Here is a breakdown of the seven traits:

1. Feelings of inadequacy: Individuals with AvPD often perceive themselves as socially inept, inferior, or unappealing to others. 
2. Social inhibition: They tend to be inhibited in new interpersonal situations due to these feelings of inadequacy and fear of negative evaluation. 
3. Preoccupation with criticism or rejection: A pervasive fear of criticism, disapproval, or rejection in social situations can become all-consuming. 
4. Avoidance of social interaction: This fear leads to a strong tendency to avoid occupational activities and other situations that involve significant interpersonal contact. 
5. Extreme reluctance to take risks: Individuals are often hesitant to take personal risks or engage in new activities because of the potential for embarrassment or negative consequences. 
6. Self-view as inferior: They consistently hold a negative self-perception, believing themselves to be personally unappealing, inferior, or inadequate compared to others. 
7. Unwillingness to get involved unless certain of being liked: A person with AvPD will only involve themselves with others if they are certain of being liked, making it difficult to form close relationships without this guarantee. 

Relationships

How does avoidant personality disorder affect relationships?

AI Overview

Avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) can significantly impact relationships due to the individual’s fear of rejection, criticism, and social disapproval, leading to avoidance of intimacy and social interaction. This can result in relationship difficulties, including: 

1. Difficulty Forming and Maintaining Relationships: 

• People with AvPD may avoid social situations and new relationships altogether, or only engage when they feel certain they will be accepted, making it hard to form close bonds. 
• They might struggle to initiate or sustain relationships, even if they desire them, due to fear of rejection or feeling inadequate. 

2. Emotional Distance and Intimacy Issues:

• AvPD can lead to difficulties expressing emotions and being vulnerable, potentially causing emotional distance in relationships. 
• Partners may feel rejected or disconnected due to the avoidant person’s reluctance to share feelings or engage in intimate physical or emotional closeness. 

3. Hypersensitivity to Criticism and Rejection: 

• Individuals with AvPD are highly sensitive to perceived criticism or disapproval, which can lead them to misinterpret social cues and withdraw from relationships. 
• This hypersensitivity can create a cycle of avoidance and withdrawal, making it difficult to navigate conflict or address relationship issues. 

4. Strained Communication and Lack of Validation:

• Partners may experience frustration and confusion due to the avoidant person’s difficulty communicating their needs and feelings. 
• The lack of emotional validation and support can create a sense of isolation and dissatisfaction for the partner. 

5. Impact on Partner’s Well-being:

• The relationship dynamics with someone who has AvPD can be challenging and emotionally draining for the partner.
• Partners may experience feelings of confusion, frustration, and loneliness, leading to potential relationship strain. 

6. Potential for Relationship Repair:

• While challenging, it’s possible for individuals with AvPD to have fulfilling relationships with support and therapy. 
• Therapy, both individual and couples counseling, can help individuals with AvPD develop coping mechanisms, improve communication, and foster intimacy. 
• Partners can also benefit from understanding AvPD and learning strategies to support their loved one. 

In essence, AvPD can significantly impact relationships by creating barriers to intimacy, communication, and social engagement, but with support and therapeutic intervention, individuals can learn to navigate these challenges and build more fulfilling connections, according to MentalHealth.com and GoodTherapy.org. 

---

And, of course, I highlighted the “positive” aspect there in light green. I know that things CAN get better, but… that all depends on how much willingness The Boyfriend has in putting the work in to improve things, not just in himself, but our relationship as well.

Also, here is a really good video I watched yesterday from Jimmy Knowles (relationship dude)…