37.5 – For Last Week’s MM:
“The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things.” – Rainer Maria Rilke
Underrated life skill: knowing when to give up.
What are you still holding onto that you already know isn’t working?
What happens if you give it up?
Let go of one thing you’ve been refusing to give up on. Reply and tell me what that feels like.
Ugh. Well, if this isn’t the perfect follow-up to this past week’s events, more specifically the last two days, I don’t know what else could be. 🙄
I want to make note that I have an extremely difficult time giving up on things/people. Is it my Taurus nature?! Possibly. Is it because I have a lifetime of being given up on and don’t want to do the same to others? Pfft. A lot of that, for sure. Or is it maybe that I’m more afraid of what happens after giving up than continuing to spend my energy on something… or someone that doesn’t do the same for me?
I have been holding on to the hope that The Boyfriend will be completely honest, transparent, and vulnerable with me. To fight for himself in overcoming this addiction, to fight for us to survive and thrive beyond it… to fight for me, because I’m worth it.
Sadly, a recent (i.e. yesterday, when I was supposed to post this entry – oops!) discovery of relapse – damnit – has broken me. It’s sent me over the edge and I’ve fallen into what I can only describe as quiet resignation. I have given up. The last vestiges of hope were obliterated completely.
I feel utterly defeated and my body is just… heavy. And I’m not sure what will happen next, either. I wrote quite a bit and read it to him at our check-in, but alas… he needs time for my words to settle and to process how he feels about it. Thus, I have to continue waiting and exercising patience. Never mind that he isn’t done with the Disclosure or that my birthday is in 2 days. C’est la Vie.
38.0 – Are You Fulfilled… Or Just Busy?
One thing for you to think about
Being busy is not being able to add anything else to your calendar.
Being fulfilled is not wanting to add anything else to your calendar.
Don’t confuse one for the other.
Reflect: Then consider sharing this thought with others.
Two things for you to ask yourself
Is your calendar full because you want it to be, or because you can’t say no?
If you had a free day, what would you do?
Recommended: Use these as journaling prompts for the week.
One thing for you to try this week
Remove one thing from your calendar that doesn’t fulfil you. Use that time for something that does. Reply and let me know how that feels.
Remember: Small changes lead to lasting breakthroughs.
As for how I’m doing… I need a nap.
Who IS EnchiPants?! 