44.5 – For Last Week’s MM:

There is no amount of information that will make you feel “ready.”
There is no amount of approval that will make you feel confident.
There is no amount of success that will make you feel entirely fulfilled.

Life is about just doing the thing anyway.

“I lived so carefully, thinking someone was watching. But the stage was empty, the audience never came.” – Osamu Dazai

What would you do if nobody was watching? Why do you care?

Stop waiting for approval, and just do the thing. Reply and let me know how that feels.

Well, this one is an easy thing for me, because – most of the time – I really don’t care what other people think or if they approve of things I say/do. Now, the kicker is when/if they are watching me… but that’s mostly because being watched is uncomfortable, ya know?!

But I digress… I can’t say that I have gotten to this place easily, it’s taken years of practice and dedication. Sometimes I still catch myself giving a f*ck, but it doesn’t take as long and I can soothe myself out of that rut.

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45.0 – Happiness Is a Problem

Four things for you to think about

Happiness is having better challenges.
Success is having better failures.
Discipline is having better addictions.

Improving your life does not remove your problems. It simply exchanges them for better problems.

Reflect: Then consider sharing this thought with others.

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Two things for you to ask yourself

Do you have better problems today than in the past? Or just the same problems?

Recommended: Use these as journaling prompts for the week.

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One thing for you to try this week

Find one problem you’d be happy to have. Then go pursue it this week. Let me know how it goes.

Remember: Small changes lead to lasting breakthroughs.

https://markmanson.net

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As for how I’m doing…

‘Bout like that…

Yet again I am back-dating this to reflect on Monday. Maybe it’s a little OCD, but it IS “Monday” Mark, so I have to… right?

Anyway… I know I say this too often, but… I’m f*cking tired. The heaviness of my (traumatic) life weighs me down, more recently because EMDR has helped me process the “Dementor/Anhedonia” incident to the point that I am now shifting into Grief. And not just for the loss of all things positive, but each and every loss I’ve endured my entire life. There are too many to sit and count, honestly, but some of the major players are: my innocence/foundation of love for The Plague (my father – when I was 5), various beloved pets and people to death, my heart/love (romantically, numerous times), my independence (i.e. physical/mental health degrading to the point of disability), my entire store of hope (in a plethora of things/ways), the idea that I finally found the man of my dreams (yet again) and find out (yet again) that he doesn’t actually love me like a romantic partner should and hasn’t almost our entire relationship (bc addiction and unprocessed trauma)… and this massive weight causes me to spiral into the Void of Despair most of the time, but… moving into Grief and working through it is what needs to happen now. I know it will be exhausting, but it is also necessary.

Maybe I’ll use my Ketamine therapy tomorrow to process some of that mountain of grief…