58.5 – For Last Week’s MM:
The older I get, the more I realize that growth is not about fixing all of your problems, rather it’s learning which problems aren’t worth fixing.
The quality of your life is directly proportional to your tolerance for uncertainty.
What problems have you been trying to fix that don’t need to be?
What pain are you tolerating well?
Pick one problem you’ve been trying to fix and leave it alone for a week. Reply and tell me what happens.
Gonna start off with: “The quality of your life is directly proportional to your tolerance for uncertainty.” I believe that, growing up, I had a much higher tolerance for uncertainty than I have in the last few years – by a very wide margin. This was mostly due to the fact that just about everything in my life felt uncertain. I suppose it was akin to “exposure therapy”?! My son’s autism knocked me for a loop, but… I was able to put on my super-mom cape and got shit done for the vast majority of his life, out of sheer force of will and love. All of that changed when I decided to take a huge leap of uncertainty and move to Colorado to be with The Boyfriend, while my son chose to stay in Arkansas and live with his father (he was a legal adult – 18 – and legal guardianship didn’t make it in time). Sadly, I have been plagued with loads of uncertainty ever since then.
Pondering problems that I want to fix is a whole other ball-game. Given my previous paragraph, it’s very difficult to find anything that isn’t worth fixing, which may be related to my heightened intolerance for uncertainty, various forms of losing of control (all the mental/physical/emotional things that ail me), and my deep desire and commitment to creating a loving and fulfilling relationship with The Boyfriend. So, I honestly can’t think of anything that doesn’t need fixing.
As for pain I’m “tolerating well”… pfft. I guess it could be said that I’m tolerating all sorts of pain well, given that I am still alive and kicking (and screaming lol). Then again, as these things have increased over time, the less tolerance I have for them – which is why I keep searching for ways to fix them. 😛
59.0 – Say the Thing
Two things for you to think about
A tiny piece of advice that changed my life: Stop assuming people know how you feel, tell them instead.
Tell them when you’re proud. Tell them when you missed them. Tell them when you’re angry or stressed.
When in doubt, just tell them.
If being honest about your feelings causes somebody to leave, then they were never really with you to begin with.
Reflect: Then consider sharing this thought with others.
Two things for you to ask yourself
What are you not saying because you’re afraid they’ll leave? Wouldn’t you rather find out?
Recommended: Use these as journaling prompts for the week.
One thing for you to try this week
Say the thing. Reply and let me know what happens.
Remember: Small changes lead to lasting breakthroughs.
As for how I’m doing… things have been fairly decent with The Boyfriend still. EMDR is going slowly, but I’m ok with that. I started a program called “The Way Home” (do check it out) with our women’s coach from the Recovery Program and I’m not doing as well at keeping up with it as I would like… but giving myself grace because it’s only the 2nd week (and I get tired easily).
Overall, it’s been a decent week and I’m kinda proud of myself for getting this done and posted on true Monday (instead of back-dating lol).
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