52.5 – For Last Week’s MM:
The version of yourself you perform for other people is always less interesting than the one you’re hiding. It just never feels that way from the inside.
The parts of yourself you think are “too much” for people are usually the parts they’d actually connect with. And the parts you think they’d like to see are the parts they’ve seen a thousand times already.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is a great accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
What would people see if you stopped performing?
What about you do you think is “too much”? And why?
Let someone see the part of yourself you usually hide. Reply and tell me what happens.
My maternal grandmother (deceased) once told me that Ralph Waldo Emerson was an ancestor of ours. Idk if it’s true, but it’s nice to think about it in that way.
If I stopped performing, I’d be showing everyone what it’s like to “love” someone that exists with Anhedonia. I don’t feel like this is a thing that anyone would be comfortable seeing or dealing with. It quite literally would be “too much” for the people I care about to handle. I mean hell, sometimes it’s too much for ME to handle.
So, that being said, I wasn’t able to reveal the hidden parts of myself to anyone but my therapists.
53.0 – Your Yes’s Are Cheap
Three things for you to think about
You can only tell what someone values by what they’re willing to say no to.
No’s mean more than yes’s. Saying yes is easy—people say yes to things they don’t care about all the time.
Saying no requires you to be willing to lose something. That’s how you know it’s real.
Things only feel meaningful in your life if you’ve given something up for them.
Reflect: Then consider sharing this thought with others.
Two things for you to ask yourself
What do you keep saying “yes” to that you don’t value?
What have you given up for the things that matter most to you?
Recommended: Use these as journaling prompts for the week.
One thing for you to try this week
Say no to one thing this week. Reply and let me know what you’re giving it up for.
Remember: Small changes lead to lasting breakthroughs.
As for how I’m doing… finding the words to describe how I’m doing right now is proving difficult. I’m back in that same place where The Boyfriend is questioning our relationship and thinking he wants to give up… and I’m just… tired. Helpless and despondent. Overwhelming feelings of despair and dissociation. And the little hope I was clinging to has been shattered, crushed into dust, and blown away in the wind. There’s nothing more I can do but wait for him to write whatever it is he said he needs to write to me, and then wait for his decision. I’ll have to just accept it for what it is… even if that means he’s giving up and throwing our relationship away.
So, it’s basically whatever now.
Who IS EnchiPants?! 